Monday, September 15, 2008

Alot to say

What's been going on in our world....... BLAH BLAH BLAH!!
-Started my final year of Nursing School! Hip Hip Freaking Hooray!!
-Rich got even bigger HOORAY!
-The boys came home from spending the summer in Utah....We missed them terribly!! -Rich's family came to visit...they are the main reason I haven't blogged because we were having such a fabulous time that blogging was the last thing on my mind!
-Our camera died so she is also to blame for no blogging because no pictures = boring blog!!
oh I need to change my background before I lose my mind--any good wallpapers anyone wants to share???

Now the blog turns sad.....but it has to be done

So I have been thinking of all these great things to post about the last couple weeks and have just been so busy to do it, but today I'm feeling completely demotivated and blogging seems to be my therapy of choice.... This post is going to be depressing and awful but bear with me (if you want) because I need to get it out. First let me just say that I know I am truly blessed and that I have more to be grateful for than some can even imagine---I know this, I truly do--BUT today all of that is just blah blah blah...... Rich just returned from Afghanistan not even three weeks ago (the honeymoon phase hasnt even wore off yet) and today we get the news that he will be deploying again in three weeks through the end of the year and at this moment I'm just not sure if my heart can take anymore. This will be our third deployment in 9 months and not to mention I was PROMISED that he would be home for the rest of the year. This was completely unexpected and I hate that my emotions are constantly influenced by when Rich is coming home and when he is leaving again, I want our life to resume to "normal" so bad I can't stand it. Everything I wanted and hoped for when I met Rich has been put on hold so many times that I feel like we constantly take one step forward and ten steps backward. I want to get married, I want to have babies, and most of all I want to live the life that I know is ahead of us and today it feels like we will never get there. The worst part is the guilt that comes along with feeling all of this--this isn't the attitude that I should have, I knew what I was getting into when I started dating someone in the military, but I was willing to take that plunge because it meant that I had Rich, and thats all that I wanted. My role is to be supportive of him and to be positive and full of encouragement, so why do I feel so negative? I know that these feelings will pass as the initial reaction of shock wears off, but I had to write what I was feeling right here and now in the moment.

I really am a positive person and I will find the silver lining in this situation because my life is full of things to be grateful for........ the most important thing being Rich. :)
See this really was a coping mechanism for me because I'm already smiling (wow she sounds bipolar) ----I'm really not it's just that my high of having Rich finally home was crushed today and now I'm just picking myself back up.