Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Hurry home

As I sit here tonight my head is spinning, my stomach is in knots and I’m still not sure if posting my feelings is the best idea right now. I just got home from dropping Rich off…probably the longest car ride of my life…… Not wanting to reach the driveway, open the door and find the empty house that I know is waiting for me.

To say the least my emotions are one big roller coaster ride, one minute I feel empowered and strong and the next I feel weak and vulnerable. I tell myself to keep it together but at any moment I feel as though I will crumble. I can’t put into words the pain of having to pry my hands off of him, to watch him walk away, and to want just one more kiss, the kiss that you never want to end for the fear of the unknown. I know I need to stay positive. I know that when duty calls you must go…and for that I am proud of you, but it doesn’t take away from the heartache…not yet anyway. I feel overwhelmed with a sense of incompleteness. The one I want to share my days, my nights and my dreams with isn’t here

I need my moment to cope, my moment to feel sad and angry that you are the one that has to leave, but these feelings won’t last long because I know how truly blessed we are, we have been given so much and for that I am forever grateful. I think of all the women (and men) who are away from their loved ones over seas tonight just like me, my heart and prayers go out to all of them. I still hurt, everyday away from you will hurt, but I find solace in prayer and thoughts of you, and it is this that will carry me through these next few months. You are my hero, you are my life, hurry home you know I will be waiting.